Shoulders, Rashes, and Tacos
by hazelpunk2xw
Summary: Hazel Green is getting ready for a nice little shoulder surgery, by why is the whole WWE turned upside down? Bad summary, but it has Christian, Edge, Lita, Jeff, Hardcore Holly, Torrie Wilson, Chris Beniot, Triple H, and Booker T.
1. Holly's mistake

This story includes: Hazel: (me in my little fantasies where I am a WWE superstar) Christian: Boyfriend of Hazel, played by Christian. Hardcore Holly (Robert Howard): the ex. Torrie Wilson: the ex's ex-girlfriend with a brick and unending fury. Sophia: the friend/wrestler Booker T, Edge, Lita, Hunter Chris Beniot and Jeff. Note: I have nothing to do with the WWE and it's characters. In no way what so ever do I have anything to do with these people and their lives.  
  
Christian and I were tired, but for some reason we were still awkae and the God forsaken hour or 2 am watching Growing Pains of all things. The phone rang and I reached for the caller id. It read Helmsly, Hunter and Sophia. "Ooh, important," I dove. Christian pushed me back playfully and reached for the phone himself. "CHRISTIAN!" I screamed reaching madly for air. I grabbed at his hair and pulled, he screamed laughing but kept the ringing phone high.  
  
"Can't touch me! Can't touch me! Ooh yeah, cripple, what now?" he laughed. I couldn't help but laugh myself and gave up. I wasn't going to get the phone. Christian (rudely and nosily) answers the (my) phone.  
  
" Hazel's?"  
  
"Uh...what?" asked Sophia.  
  
"Hazel Green's residence, this her totally awesome boy-toy Chris-to-the-ish- chan speaking. What's up?"  
  
"Just shut up and put Hazel on the phone!" Sophia barked.  
  
"Fine, fine. You don't have to me so bossy." He passed me the phone and I punched him with my good arm.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hazel? You won't believe what just happen to Hunter today."  
  
"He fell off a bridge and fell onto some sense for not marrying you yet?"  
  
"No," she sighed. "But it's better for you.I ...guess. Well...no, because you're not...wait...wait...no.um. Shut up! You threw me off!"  
  
"What happened today?" I asked amused by my friends confusion.  
  
"Okay. Hunter was at Met-X right? You know working out, getting ready for tomorrow and all and he sees Robert."  
  
"Howard? Hardcore?"  
  
"Yep. And guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Torrie broke up with him. Threw him out on his a-um.butt."  
  
"Why?" I asked sitting down slowly.  
  
"Someone called your name out at the wrong time."  
  
"You mean in-"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"While they were-"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"OH.MY.GOD!"   
  
I was going under the knife the next day. Christian was off in Tampa getting ready for Raw and I was pretty much alone. Well, except for the swarm of fans outside the building. How they found out I was at that hospital I don't know. I was waiting in my room trying to find Jenny Jones on TV when I remember just why I was there. Honestly, the reason was crap. Crap I tell you. Pure crap. I had torn a ligament in my shoulder and my God, who knew just how important that thing was. If I'd known, I would of rolled out of the way of that stupid Swanton bomb. I knew it was messed up the second he landed on me.  
  
"You okay?" Jeff asked as he rolled me up for the pin. I wanted to say no. I wanted to break out into tears cause it hurt that much, but I didn't. I just laid there for the 1,2,3 and just like that, I lost my intercontinental championship.  
  
The stupid music started and I still lay flat. Jeff went to shake my hand for a good match, but I tore away. He grabbed the bad arm, the retard.  
  
"Holy sh-," he cursed kneeling beside me.  
  
"No, just go," I whispered through me teeth. "I can go myself, just enjoy your victory walk. Go!" Jeff rubbed my head, (messing up my hair my already tired hair) and hopped off. With that I slide out the ring. Walked up ramp holding my shoulder. Alone.   
"Surgery huh? Christian sighed two nights later. We were at my condo in Toronto, enjoying the last of out weekend together. "That sucks."  
  
"Well I know that you reekazoid!" I hit him with a pillow. Immediately I wish I hadn't because a bolt of pain burned through my arm.  
  
"Oh sweetie," Christian cooed touching my back softly. "Shouldn't they have put a cast on that thing?"  
  
"They gave me a sling," I said getting up to walk off the pain.  
  
"What about pain killers?"  
  
"I refuse to put that synthetic crap in my body."  
  
"But you should. It helps," he snorted. I gave him a dirty glace and paced slower. "Don't you have a plane to catch?"  
  
Christian sighed heavily and got to his feet. "I swear your such a bitch sometimes, Hazel."  
  
"Well you know what? You kissed this bitch so shut up."  
  
Christian laughed to himself as the phone began to ring. I reached and drew back painfully. I couldn't wait for the surgery that day.  
  
Now it was surgery day and I was angry. First off, I hadn't been drugged. Second, Christina couldn't come see me. Third, fans were outside and I couldn't say hi and fourth, I couldn't fine JENNY JONES!  
  
"No no no," I whined pressing the clicker hard. "Rude Jude was suppose to be on today."  
  
Then the door bust open.  
  
"Hey girl how you doing?" Booker asked with flowers in hand. They looked as if they'd be pulled from a dead guys room. I knew this because it had a card that said, "We will always love you, go into the light."  
  
"Book? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Came to see you off. Make sure you weren't going crazy yet. Are you drugged yet? I heard morphine is pretty wild."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Guess not," he sighed setting the flowers down. "Good luck sweetie, hope you pull through okay."  
  
"Pull through? I'm not dying Booker!"  
  
"That's what you think," he snorted looking to the door. "You come to the hospital for a check up and BAM! You're stuck with cancer or mono, or a really bad rash right on the crack of your-"  
  
"BOOKER!"  
  
"Oh um, yeah," he sighed embarrassed. "Well I'll let you go. You need your rest."  
  
"No, I think you do," I laughed. Booker nodded with a smile and backed out the room a bit paranoid. (DON"T ASK)  
  
It wasn't but ten minutes later when I got another visitor. Hardcore Holly.  
  
Now in case you don't know, Hardcore Holly (Robert Howard) and I were together for two years prior to this. We lived together in Virginia and were engaged to be married. Well.that was until he pushed me down the stairs and I lost the baby I was to give birth to in 8 months. Our relationship went sour after that, well actually before that. We fought all the time and it caused the stair thing. I wound up calling off the engagement and moving in with Chris Beniot for a while. I left there and finally got my own place in Toronto. Back to the story now.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked looking up form the card The Hurricane sent me.  
  
"I came to say, hi and....I'm waiting on you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Your surgery. I'll be right here with you."  
  
"No."  
  
"Well why the hell not?" he asked, his niceness peeling away.  
  
"Hello? Igmo? We broke up. You pushed me down the stairs... lost my baby...oh and not to mention the work I missed...I lost my belt...had to move in with Benoit-"  
  
"That was your choice." He corrected.  
  
"But you drove me to it."  
  
"Alright, alright. I get it. But really. I just want to be here with you.for you," he corrected.  
  
"Do what you want I'm drugged up."  
  
"Already? No your not."  
  
"Yes I am"  
  
"No your not."  
  
"Yes I am"  
  
"No.your not."  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
"The why aren't you drooling?"  
  
"Cause I'm looking at you!" Hardcore hissed and took a step back.  
  
"I guess I deserved that."  
  
"Do you have food?" I asked suddenly.  
  
"No."  
  
"Get me some tacos and we'll talk later."  
  
"It's a mob out there, Hazel."  
  
"Do you love me or not?" I asked puppy-dog-eyed.  
  
"Do you love me?" he asked hopeful.  
  
"Hell no, now get me some tacos and maybe I'll say it slower."  
  
Hardcore grunted and nodded. "Fine, but only cause I love you." he left.  
  
Such a retard.   
DUN DUN DUN! What now? Hardcore Holly wants Hazel back? No way! Will she go for it. What about Christian? Will he annoy her to the point she does go back to Hardcore? Will Hunter finally marry Sophia? I mean come on, they already have the phone in the same name. And what the hell is wrong with Booker T? Rash? come on...stay tuned. 


	2. Back Home

This story includes:  
  
Hazel: (me in my little fantasies where I am a WWE superstar)  
  
Christian: Boyfriend of Hazel, played by Christian.  
  
Hardcore Holly (Robert Howard): the ex.  
  
Torrie Wilson: the ex's ex-girlfriend with a brick and unending fury.  
  
Sophia: the friend/wrestler  
  
Booker T, Edge, Lita, Hunter Chris Beniot and Jeff.  
  
Note: I have nothing to do with the WWE and it's characters. In no way what so ever do I have anything to do with these people and their lives.  
PART TWO   
  
Okay, now when you have a surgery, you normally stay at the hospital or wake up IN the hospital but NOOOOOOOOO. I woke up in a house strangely familiar, but oddly unexpected.  
  
"CHRIS!" I screamed from the bed. Beniot pounced into the room holding an oven mitten and wearing an apron.  
  
"Yeah?" he said quickly. "Oh your awake now uhn? Great. I'm making dinner." He went to turn away.  
  
"No, Benny, wait why am I here?"  
  
"In Canada?"  
  
"No, in my old room, in your house."  
  
"Oh, right yeah, you see um," he explained. "I was going to the airport and I thought, hey, I'll go take Hazel some love. Love meaning my best wishes for your surgery. And I get to the hospital and there is this mass of fans waiting for you. Then I see that little punk Hardcore running inside with some Taco Bell so I said what is going on?"  
  
"That doesn't explain anything."  
  
"It will. You see, I knew you'd hate to see him, especially with some tacos, so I signed in as your husband and brought you home . Which ironically it is because you lived here what two years ago? Funny how life circles isn't it?"  
  
"Oh my god, Benny you said you were my husband?!"  
  
I was freaking out. I went to shoot up out of bed and immediately i was drawn back in pain. My shoulder felt like lead and at every move it stabbed and ached and oh.it burned. Chris rushed to my side as I cried aloud.  
  
"Lay back now, Hazel," he said with a shove. "Rest up. You can hug me later, just rest."  
  
"No, Benny do you know what you've done!"  
  
He stared a second and sniffed. Then rushed out of the room.  
  
"MY pasta!"  
  
I was panicked. I stared at the ceiling I had stared at years ago. I looked to the walls that were once covered in my posters and photos. It was my room. It WAS my home. But not now. Benny wasn't my husband. We never even dated. We were impromptu roommates when I moved out of Hardcore's place after the stair incident.  
  
Then I remembered. My phone. Rolling over a grabbed the phone and dial Sophia's number. Be home be home.  
  
"Hello?" he said.  
  
"Hunter?" I said.  
  
"Hazel?"  
  
"Hey."  
  
"How's it hanging?"  
  
"Heavy. How are you?" I asked.  
  
"Half tired, half sick." He answered.  
  
"How was Raw?"  
  
"Hurricane lost his cape again."  
  
"How many times is that?"  
  
"Hundred in one."  
  
"Ha."  
  
"(W)ho were you calling for?"  
  
"Huh? Oh Sophia."  
  
"Hold on."   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"No more H's please."  
  
"Okay," she laughed.  
  
"Sophia, please tell me, what happened the past days since my surgery?"  
  
"That was two days ago. I thought you were dead."  
  
"Encouraging. But really? what's going on?"  
  
"Why don't you tell me. Since when were you and Beniot married?"  
  
"Oh God, is that out?"  
  
"When i goes on WWE.com, it's out."  
  
"Where's Christian?"  
  
"Throwing a tantrum in WWF New York (The world). He hates you," she chirped.  
  
"Hardcore?"  
  
"Haven't heard form him since the diarrhea."  
  
"Diarrhea?"  
  
"Bad tacos."  
  
"Oh great day," I muttered. "Should I even ask...what happen the Booker T?"  
  
"Quarantined. Had some rash and it was contagious. Gave in the Big Show and RVD."  
  
"Oh boy oh boy," I moaned.  
  
Benoit came back in with a tray of pasta and milk.  
  
"Strong bones, hey...who are you talking to?" he asked childishly.  
  
"None of your damn business! Get out!"  
  
"What? This is my house you get out!"  
  
"This is my room, you jerk!"  
  
"Jerk?!"  
  
"Why did you take me out of the hospital? Now it's all over the internet that were married."  
  
"Really?" he smiled. He grinned his missing tooth smiled and walked over to me with a Vince Mcmahon swagger. "Here you go my love."  
  
"OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL no!"   
What in the blue crap is going on here? First surgery, then the bizarre Booker T thing and now this? How is she going to get out of this mess? Will Christian forgive and understand? Will Hardcore be stuck on the toilet for another day? Will RVD and Big Show whoop on Booker T? Was Beniot's pasta okay?  
Stay tuned.  
Again.. 


	3. We Need To Talk

This story includes:  
  
Hazel: (me in my little fantasies where I am a WWE superstar)  
  
Christian: Boyfriend of Hazel, played by Christian.  
  
Hardcore Holly (Robert Howard): the ex.  
  
Torrie Wilson: the ex's ex-girlfriend with a brick and unending fury.  
  
Sophia: the friend/wrestler  
  
Booker T, Edge, Lita, Hunter Chris Beniot and Jeff.  
  
Note: I have nothing to do with the WWE and it's characters. In no way what so ever do I have anything to do with these people and their lives.  
  
  
It took some sweet-talking, but I managed to get Hunter and Sophia to get me out of Beniot's house. There's just something about a short little Canadian baking cookies that seems a little...you know...off. They took me back to my condo and I immediately called Christian. No answer. I tried his cell, still nothing. I got desperate and called Lita. To my surprise Jeff answered the phone.  
  
"Is Lita there?"  
  
(long pause.) "No?"  
  
"Okay, is Matt?"  
  
(longer pause, some whispering). "No?"  
  
"Jeff?...I won't ask okay...I just won't ask. But if you see Lita, tell her that I need to talk to her. No...better yet...I'll ask you."  
  
"Make it quick."  
  
"Okay, I'll make it nice and slow. Have.you...seen...Christian...late--- telll-lee?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are.you ...sure?"  
  
"Hazel stop fucking around!"  
  
"I think I should be telling you that Hardy, my friend."  
  
He gasped and there was another pause. "Alright, alright, he's at Edge's place. Call there."  
  
"Thank you. Now was that so hard?"  
  
"No?"  
  
"Tell Lita I said bye and I won't tell Matt."  
  
"Okay...Lita, she said bye and that she won't tell Matt."  
  
"JEFF!" Lita in background.  
  
"Idiot," I swore hanging up. I called Edge's place and to my surprise, Christian had left already.  
  
"He didn't say where he was going, he just left," he told me.  
  
"Oh great," I sighed as I got another call. "Edge I have to let you go. Thanks though."  
  
"Sure, bye bye," he said hanging up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
It was Christian from is cell phone.  
  
"Come on over."  
  
He hung up and I was left to wait. There was knock at the door and I hurried to it with a smile. But that smile quickly faded; For I found Hardcore standing there.   
Not this guy again. What is Hazel going to do? Christian is coming and she has this dork on her porch. What will happen? Will Matt find out about Lita and Jeff? Will Jeff learn to keep him mouth shut? Will Beniot stop cooking like a jacked up Martha Stewart?  
Stay tuned....again...um...yeah. 


	4. Torrie and The Conclusion

This story includes: Hazel: (me in my little fantasies where I am a WWE superstar) Christian: Boyfriend of Hazel, played by Christian. Hardcore Holly (Robert Howard): the ex. Torrie Wilson: the ex's ex-girlfriend with a brick and unending fury. Sophia: the friend/wrestler Booker T, Edge, Lita, Hunter Chris Beniot and Jeff. Note: I have nothing to do with the WWE and it's characters. In no way what so ever do I have anything to do with these people and their lives.  
Part Four  
  
"Hey do you mind leaving I have something to do," Hazel rushed.  
  
"No, no, I need to talk to you. Not later, not after tacos, we need to talk," Holly ordered.  
  
"That's fine and dandy but could you take a number?"  
  
"No!" he stormed in. "Now sit down and let me explain a few things."  
  
"Why don't you shut the hell up and get out of my house!"  
  
"Hazel..."  
  
"No! I hate you get out!"  
  
"Hazel..."  
  
"OH NO!" I rushed to the window and saw Christian's car pull up. I turned away staring at Hardcore.  
  
"I'm not leaving," he said crossing his arms childishly.   
OH BOY OH BOY...   
"Get in there and stay!" I commanded locking Hardcore in the closet.  
  
"HAZEL!"  
  
"Oh, shut up!"  
  
There was a knock at the door and I rushed over in pain. My arm was heavy again. Hardcore fought back hard to not get in that closet. Christian stood in his leather coat (looking fine) and a bit melancholy.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
He came in and blah blah...we talked and I explained how it was all Beniot's fault. He agreed and smiled and leaned in close for a kiss.   
AWW.LOVE SO SWEET  
  
.but before our lips could touch.  
  
CRASH! There was a brick through my window.  
  
"GET OUT HERE YOU DIRTY SLUT I KNOW YOU IN THERE!"  
  
"What the-" Christian frowned.  
  
I knew immediately who it was.  
  
Torrie.  
  
"I KNOW HE'S IN THERE! GET OUT HER AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!"  
  
"That girl is out of her mind! What is she talking about? Me?" Christian asked unsure.  
  
"HAZEL GREEN! I'M CALLING ON YOU! SLUT SLUT SLUT! I KNOW HOLLY'S IN THERE!"  
  
"What?" Christian looked to me. "You have another man in this house?"  
  
"Closet," I sighed sulking back. Christian frowned and stood angrily.  
  
"GET OUT HER NOW OR I SMASH THE CAR!"  
  
"HEY!" Christian yelled out the window. "That's my car! Not hers!"  
  
I rushed to the closet and let Hardcore out.  
  
"You lied to me!" Christian screamed.  
  
"About? I never said I didn't have a strangely obsessive guy in my closet," I corrected.  
  
Christian could only nod. "You've got a point there."  
  
"Hazel, I love you-," Hardcore pleaded. "Being in that closet, looking at your underwear made me think-"  
  
"You freak! Get out!" I pushed. I pushed him out the door ignoring my arm. SLAM.(That was the door by the way.)  
  
"OH MY JEBUS! WHY DO YOU HAVE HER UNDERWEAR ON YOUR BACK! SLUT WHORE! GET OUT HERE NOW!"  
Holy shnikies! What now" Will Torrie demolish Hazel? Is Christian's car a goner? Will Christian understand this understandable misunderstanding of understandably misunderstanding things? Stay...oh just read.   
Part Five (too short to add another chapter, and I just KNOW you want to know what happens*wink*)  
  
I looked to Christian who looked back to me. He smiled. I smiled. "This is your life, Hazel, and it is insane," Christian laughed.  
  
"Welcome to the Odyssey," I nodded touching my throbbing and possibly bleeding shoulder. I could see anything under that shoulder cast/sling crap.  
  
There was grass breaking and an alarm went off.  
  
"That Crazy bit-" Christian cursed going to the window. "Oh wait no...That was Hardcore's car...ouch, his head went right through that window."  
  
"Oh my god, call the police," I urged.  
  
"No, no, let her fight. (I meant to say her) It's funny."  
  
I reached for the phone but it rang instead.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Haze, it's Booker."  
  
"Oh no no no, I have to call you back-"  
  
"Wait wait, I found out what the rash was, it was only-(incoming call beep)."  
  
"Booker can you hold on." click  
  
"Hello?" I asked.  
  
"Hazel? It's Lita I uh, need to ask a favor."  
  
"Look already forgot about it, let it go!" I hung up.  
  
Phone rang again. "WHAT!?" "Hazel! He did it! HE did it!" Sophia screamed. "What? Sophia? Hello?" "I'M ENGAGED TO HUNTER!" "You're engaged?" "Yeah! HE PUT MY RING IN THE SALAD! It was so romantic, only thing is though it smells like ranch dressing..." "WHOA!" Christian laughed. "Torrie just took her boot turned it side ways and shoved it up his roody poo candy-" "No way!" I exclaimed. "Yes way. It's so totally not pretty," Christian sat back down not wanting to look back outside. "What a totally crazy weekend huh?" "It's not over yet," I sighed looking at the clock. The seconds were ticking slowly with my pain. "I know, I haven't proposed yet." "WHAT?" "Oops, did I say that aloud?" he gasped, then grinned.   
  
THE END   
  
Please review and respond. Hope you enjoyed it! HP2 


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